the initial words of wisdom, many give to someone,who might have been the victim of a real bad misfortune, and where that person had lost what he had.People often advice " try and forget the past" and they justify this by saying "remembering it,would only take you backwards" and invariably, i was no different and my misfortune{which had come about in the form of a accident}.So, have been at the receiving end of it,ever since
although i agree with the fact, that there is no point what so ever talking or thinking about what has happened,but remembering the past has helped me more than,what i would have gained, forgetting,and being a person who did what he thought was right,and seldom did things,what others, told him to.This aspect of my nature helped me,do what i thought....and not go in with,others thoughts.
As i disagreed to this then,and even now,infact i would say "remembering the past, could be put to anyone's advantage,if only it is channeled in the right way" aggression can be a great asset and i would like to suggest it, to anyone who is at the receiving end,of the so called 'bad fate', in their personal life,building aggression, and then channeling it,in the right way,is all what is required
this was a lesson, that life had incorporated within me.And all that was required was,to have a very level headed approach, to the situation Personally for me, the reasons for this aggression were numerous.because the past was filled with activities,that missing them was just too natural
As it was sure,a thing to be missed,when you were an overactive person,and one who would be,up to something or the other http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-5h3vf_UQs,and the past was,quite enough to keep me haunting everyday,after my accident..
the thing, that came naturally,was to be building up,this aggression,when for the first time i knew,what being alone and a pushover felt like..when every time i was ignored,when for months at a stretch i would be, all alone,i just had my family to even speak to,and then i knew for certain,that i had lost something ..
Got a real bad slap,when one of the neurologist's, here in one of the leading hospital's,recommended that,it was better for me to go and stay at one of the handicap school's,where they taught people,how to live with their disability,.i felt really bad as that would have meant,that i will accept ,that i will remain a handicap forever and it was really not all that easy to even imagine.Can anyone? who had seen what a normal life was,and.it felt demeaning, all the more for me, as a person,who had this tough picture about himself
The aggression got a boost when my girl friend,who had given some, beautiful dreams and hopes,just ditched me,And as a consequence,was in ruins for a long time.Well "ruins" is an understatement.
It was,just an irony,that the very tough life after my accident was doing less to hurt, than what some of the people,had made me..
but after every setbacks & the ill treatments,.i always kept telling myself,in fact to this very day,i see myself,telling this, that one day i will comeback and comeback strong and things be different,but all this aggression just needed to be vented out and i was desperate to regain what i had lost,and everything added up and the answer to all my queries was,to be fit again.As i had many things to be proved wrong,including the fact that i was not gonna remain a handicap,forever
but there were many obstacles,in my quest for being fit.The first being, i couldn't even stand,i remember the first time i tried to do a single push up,which earlier i could do 50, with ease,i realized i could not push my left side of the body, and there was an unbearable pain in my wrist as they were affected in the accident
but the aggression never let me quit,just because it pained or i couldn't do it.And i figured,the remedy of not being able to stand and do exercises, was to do them, kneeling .i decided to give it sometime and just hoped that things will fall in place,with time.Well 3 years have passed since then,i still cant stand but things way better,now
but aggression gave the will to persevere and help me,be on course and i believe,am no more the same pushover,like before &.i see a major shift in people's attitude and it is a good feeling to be getting back the dignity,from just being a pushover
but for all this, if i had to thank just one thing,it would have to be,the aggression and in a way grateful to all those people in having brought about this,although unknowingly and unwillingly
so i reckon,
remembering the past,
not a bad thing ,afterall..
if that could be,channeled in the right way...:)
LIFE,lessons,thoughts & ME...{knowing LIFE }
Friday, December 24, 2010
Saturday, December 11, 2010
also read - LAUGH IT OUT
Many dont see laughter, as important and wont even consider to acknowledge by laughing ,if they had seen or heard anything funny and will try and suppress this urge,as much as, they could.May be they feel it would look too silly or childish enough,if others may see them laugh ,but there are others who dont leave any opportunity to laugh about at the slightest glimpse of one
A closer introspection of where i belonged? revealed a little different answer to that question,as i sure laughed a lot, but there was more to that,it was about not wanting to buckle down and proving to myself that i was not bogged down by the tough circumstances, that i will change myself from that of before, that freak accident.. and was also not willing,to let anything affect that fun aspect of my nature.
the past sure has not been an ideally a good one,that i would have wanted to remember,.but the future seemed, full of opportunities,the present certainly was not a joy ride but that didn't mean that i be unhappy and worried, and take out the fun quotient, out of my life...afterall laughter sure adds LIFE to your years
laughing it out or trying to find reasons to laugh about,sure has helped, keep my cool..because when i try to look back, into the not too distant past,as to what all i have been through, these years,i credit my sanity to the fact that i always tried to laugh & also have tried to find reasons to laugh about,even if its nothing too significant
its not as if i could laugh, because i have no worries,like the reason many at times, give.But laughing it out, is not entirely dependent on the situation,that one is dealt with...a major part of that is about ,character..because its never easy to have, even a smile when you are in pain,but if you can,that shows how much tough you are..its doesn't mean,if you get worried ,so you don't qualify to be tough .Worrying comes natural,even to the toughest, but the ability to snap out of that worried state,could be the deciding factor
on a personal level a decent chunk of my sanity has also to be credited to the fact that whenever i could,i would devote my time watching television shows or movies which were humorous in nature,that really got my mind out of the hard realities of my personal life.
the thing i deeply miss though,is the fact that, i can't quickly form a humorous statement out of the flaws in the statements the other person made in a conversation,which had been my habit,since long.but as an aftermath of this accident, my speech has been affected,and when i try to do the same thing again now, people dont get the joke as my voice clarity is deeply affected and then i would have to explain the joke,to them and nothing kills the humor in a joke,more than you requiring to explain it.but even after knowing this fact,can't seem to stop myself.People look good, when they smile,and i guess its worth the effort,in trying to make them..:)
There is also this fact of LIFE,that i have realized,more-so now,and it being..the probability of people missing and remembering someone who was very serious in nature, drastically reduces, than a person who is full of life and who likes to spread joy, laughter and happiness,if anytime they are not in the picture for a while or forever.So there is a reason more, for all those people,who hold back laughter,to let it free and its not soo difficult,as some might perceive...it to be
so, RELAX ...& laugh it out....
the time at "present" in your life,is only a sure reality so,
make it a real present for you..and SPREAD JOY
A closer introspection of where i belonged? revealed a little different answer to that question,as i sure laughed a lot, but there was more to that,it was about not wanting to buckle down and proving to myself that i was not bogged down by the tough circumstances, that i will change myself from that of before, that freak accident.. and was also not willing,to let anything affect that fun aspect of my nature.
the past sure has not been an ideally a good one,that i would have wanted to remember,.but the future seemed, full of opportunities,the present certainly was not a joy ride but that didn't mean that i be unhappy and worried, and take out the fun quotient, out of my life...afterall laughter sure adds LIFE to your years
laughing it out or trying to find reasons to laugh about,sure has helped, keep my cool..because when i try to look back, into the not too distant past,as to what all i have been through, these years,i credit my sanity to the fact that i always tried to laugh & also have tried to find reasons to laugh about,even if its nothing too significant
its not as if i could laugh, because i have no worries,like the reason many at times, give.But laughing it out, is not entirely dependent on the situation,that one is dealt with...a major part of that is about ,character..because its never easy to have, even a smile when you are in pain,but if you can,that shows how much tough you are..its doesn't mean,if you get worried ,so you don't qualify to be tough .Worrying comes natural,even to the toughest, but the ability to snap out of that worried state,could be the deciding factor
on a personal level a decent chunk of my sanity has also to be credited to the fact that whenever i could,i would devote my time watching television shows or movies which were humorous in nature,that really got my mind out of the hard realities of my personal life.
the thing i deeply miss though,is the fact that, i can't quickly form a humorous statement out of the flaws in the statements the other person made in a conversation,which had been my habit,since long.but as an aftermath of this accident, my speech has been affected,and when i try to do the same thing again now, people dont get the joke as my voice clarity is deeply affected and then i would have to explain the joke,to them and nothing kills the humor in a joke,more than you requiring to explain it.but even after knowing this fact,can't seem to stop myself.People look good, when they smile,and i guess its worth the effort,in trying to make them..:)
There is also this fact of LIFE,that i have realized,more-so now,and it being..the probability of people missing and remembering someone who was very serious in nature, drastically reduces, than a person who is full of life and who likes to spread joy, laughter and happiness,if anytime they are not in the picture for a while or forever.So there is a reason more, for all those people,who hold back laughter,to let it free and its not soo difficult,as some might perceive...it to be
so, RELAX ...& laugh it out....
the time at "present" in your life,is only a sure reality so,
make it a real present for you..and SPREAD JOY
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
also read - You have it,or you DOn'T
Just interacted with a very close friend of mine,who was doing his masters from the US,he belongs to the rare breed of people who really cared for me{that sure has been a rare species,after my accident} and genuinely wanted me to do good in, life..
And that made me decide, to write a blog explaining things about a topic,that i was myself , concerned about...the fact that all my fellow friends are doing well in their respective lives,here in india or abroad,and here i was struggling with my life,after my accident and like that friend was worried that i would fall way behind,in the race of life,when once i was matching shoulder to shoulder with them
And the reason for his concern, i suppose was ,before the time i had this accident, was studying engineering with these guys,and besides being a very active & fit person,who excelled in sports and as a person {according to my assessment}.. a very fun-friendly guy, someone who always had people around,biking his way,with a mimic of the 'harley' ...then to see that same person all alone for the past 4 and 1/2 years and in this predicament,sure will disturb a friend who does really care
but the thing that i ask myself is,does being good in life, only mean that i have a great qualification or a great job? because if only that is to be considered...am a LOSER...but isn't having had to suffer each day for the past 4 and 1/2 years, because what life had to offer,and not choosing to give in and putting up with it,with a smile & fighting out the challenges on a daily basis ...mean nothing?.. And not changing who you are and your beliefs,irrespective of the challenging situations,you have to deal with..doesn't that mean anything too?For i guess it shows character, and that is not a trait of a, loser...
but the thing i dont know how to make anyone understand what i like to believe, because i have nothing to prove that point to anyone but only to myself
"the thing is about having some faith&hoping everything will turn up well"
because worrying about a thing,that you dont have much say on, is not prudent enough,atleast according to me...and thinking much on it and taking added pressure because of it. is quite senseless..the thing is about faith,for which i cant find any reason,for having it... i can just compare myself of now,with the self who was bed ridden and in the wheelchair 4 and 1/2 years back.and one has to be really be blind to not spot the, difference
holding on to faith for the past 4 and 1/2 years,has not been easy even for me,and its twice that difficulty to make others have it ,for me and just wish that, they too will continue to have that belief in me and my judgements
its not as if, i have not set any AIM's for my life ...i had set an AIM that comes way before me trying to get ahead of others,which i had made when i was, certified a DISABLED which also stated my disability as permanent...the AIM was to get back to the normal life and to get to the normal world again...and i have been on that quest since a long time...and i reckon,am not too far...that atleast is only my belief, though...and that faith only adds up many folds knowing that, knowingly have never done any harm to anyone..that i will be ending up,all bad in the end..:)
but i choose to have faith,and believe that everything will turn up well and not just well,but awesome ..the thing about faith is
"either you have it,or you don't"
And will end this,by saying "thank you" for all those people.. who had and still continue to be there or for the people who care for me or have at any point in time, prayed for me,just to let you know , all your smallest deeds has always been noted...thank you, especially to the people who had been there at the time when others felt it was better to desert me and leave{glad you are not in the 99% of people,i knew}...hope it still continues,even now and will have this, belief in me for a long time to come
And that made me decide, to write a blog explaining things about a topic,that i was myself , concerned about...the fact that all my fellow friends are doing well in their respective lives,here in india or abroad,and here i was struggling with my life,after my accident and like that friend was worried that i would fall way behind,in the race of life,when once i was matching shoulder to shoulder with them
And the reason for his concern, i suppose was ,before the time i had this accident, was studying engineering with these guys,and besides being a very active & fit person,who excelled in sports and as a person {according to my assessment}.. a very fun-friendly guy, someone who always had people around,biking his way,with a mimic of the 'harley' ...then to see that same person all alone for the past 4 and 1/2 years and in this predicament,sure will disturb a friend who does really care
but the thing that i ask myself is,does being good in life, only mean that i have a great qualification or a great job? because if only that is to be considered...am a LOSER...but isn't having had to suffer each day for the past 4 and 1/2 years, because what life had to offer,and not choosing to give in and putting up with it,with a smile & fighting out the challenges on a daily basis ...mean nothing?.. And not changing who you are and your beliefs,irrespective of the challenging situations,you have to deal with..doesn't that mean anything too?For i guess it shows character, and that is not a trait of a, loser...
but the thing i dont know how to make anyone understand what i like to believe, because i have nothing to prove that point to anyone but only to myself
"the thing is about having some faith&hoping everything will turn up well"
because worrying about a thing,that you dont have much say on, is not prudent enough,atleast according to me...and thinking much on it and taking added pressure because of it. is quite senseless..the thing is about faith,for which i cant find any reason,for having it... i can just compare myself of now,with the self who was bed ridden and in the wheelchair 4 and 1/2 years back.and one has to be really be blind to not spot the, difference
holding on to faith for the past 4 and 1/2 years,has not been easy even for me,and its twice that difficulty to make others have it ,for me and just wish that, they too will continue to have that belief in me and my judgements
its not as if, i have not set any AIM's for my life ...i had set an AIM that comes way before me trying to get ahead of others,which i had made when i was, certified a DISABLED which also stated my disability as permanent...the AIM was to get back to the normal life and to get to the normal world again...and i have been on that quest since a long time...and i reckon,am not too far...that atleast is only my belief, though...and that faith only adds up many folds knowing that, knowingly have never done any harm to anyone..that i will be ending up,all bad in the end..:)
but i choose to have faith,and believe that everything will turn up well and not just well,but awesome ..the thing about faith is
"either you have it,or you don't"
And will end this,by saying "thank you" for all those people.. who had and still continue to be there or for the people who care for me or have at any point in time, prayed for me,just to let you know , all your smallest deeds has always been noted...thank you, especially to the people who had been there at the time when others felt it was better to desert me and leave{glad you are not in the 99% of people,i knew}...hope it still continues,even now and will have this, belief in me for a long time to come
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
also read - being unfair to DESTINY...:)
the word DESTINY gives you a nice warm feeling ...but it doesn't take long for that picture to change...
at times, i feel ..we are too unfair to it..because destiny...like i understand ,is the events that will necessarily happen with a person{good or bad}...but many of us don't remember about it,unless its remarkably a great achievement ...but the moment things,start going against our way,even a little bit....we soon change it to FATE..and start complaining about it and if its really bad,curses are never far away, like that is the only reason responsible for our miseries
but dont think many have the right to complain,only at their bad times
having an personal experience of spending, more than a year in depression,guess can say..what had made me to,feel the same way? retrospecting , i realize..apart from the obvious reasons of disappointments ,having had the accident .and then the consequent life,which felt like HELL ...when life came to a virtual standstill when it was moving at 60 km/hr and being in the house whole day and not knowing if ever i could see the world,in the same color..when these things added with the fact that, the very people,whom i really was counting on,decided to leave..that time i felt relieved to, curse my fate
but now its different ,in fact after my days of depression...and even after having spent the past 4 and 1/2 years isolated inside my home,and still having difficulty walking ..but if seeing my plight,if now anyone blames/curses my fate..i react with a smile because, can't tell them, what they are seeing is fun for me and the life am leading is a pleasure too ,and am enjoying it , NO spending 24 hrs in a day, 7 days a week for the past 4 and 1/2 years is not something a overactive person will like and i hate every small bit of it..
but deep down in my heart,i know for a fact that...i never complained when things were going right for me..be it for the cool life or for the people around, who seemed nice at that point in time or for the close shaves i might have had,before..
then what right, do i have to curse destiny,if just for once, it took a bad turn...no matter as a result of it,i couldn't see/walk well or use my arm and as a result of it,i don't have, many people around
the thing i had to understand was that, things could have been a lot worse,as now i can see,walk,use my arm but only that, i couldn't use them well and just to be grateful, for that fact,because i don't know what i would have done without them
but i believe, it is LIFE .... DESTINY is just the trail, on which..one travels, afterall...
“It is our CHOICES ,that determines our DESTINY "
- DEEPAK DEVARAJAN
at times, i feel ..we are too unfair to it..because destiny...like i understand ,is the events that will necessarily happen with a person{good or bad}...but many of us don't remember about it,unless its remarkably a great achievement ...but the moment things,start going against our way,even a little bit....we soon change it to FATE..and start complaining about it and if its really bad,curses are never far away, like that is the only reason responsible for our miseries
but dont think many have the right to complain,only at their bad times
having an personal experience of spending, more than a year in depression,guess can say..what had made me to,feel the same way? retrospecting , i realize..apart from the obvious reasons of disappointments ,having had the accident .and then the consequent life,which felt like HELL ...when life came to a virtual standstill when it was moving at 60 km/hr and being in the house whole day and not knowing if ever i could see the world,in the same color..when these things added with the fact that, the very people,whom i really was counting on,decided to leave..that time i felt relieved to, curse my fate
but now its different ,in fact after my days of depression...and even after having spent the past 4 and 1/2 years isolated inside my home,and still having difficulty walking ..but if seeing my plight,if now anyone blames/curses my fate..i react with a smile because, can't tell them, what they are seeing is fun for me and the life am leading is a pleasure too ,and am enjoying it , NO spending 24 hrs in a day, 7 days a week for the past 4 and 1/2 years is not something a overactive person will like and i hate every small bit of it..
but deep down in my heart,i know for a fact that...i never complained when things were going right for me..be it for the cool life or for the people around, who seemed nice at that point in time or for the close shaves i might have had,before..
then what right, do i have to curse destiny,if just for once, it took a bad turn...no matter as a result of it,i couldn't see/walk well or use my arm and as a result of it,i don't have, many people around
the thing i had to understand was that, things could have been a lot worse,as now i can see,walk,use my arm but only that, i couldn't use them well and just to be grateful, for that fact,because i don't know what i would have done without them
but i believe, it is LIFE .... DESTINY is just the trail, on which..one travels, afterall...
“It is our CHOICES ,that determines our DESTINY "
- DEEPAK DEVARAJAN
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